This Is My Home.

It is hard to believe that I have been in South Africa for seven months now, with only three months remaining.  If how fast the first seven months have gone tells me anything, the last three months are going to fly by.  This scares me.  I have become so attached to this place.  I remember the night I realized this was my home.  Not even a month after being here, I had been at my host mom’s house for the evening.  As I walked outside into the cool dark air, it was quiet.  I began walking the short 30 second walk to my house.  I looked up at the sky, illuminated by the full moon, decorated with stars.  As I paused for a moment, embracing the scene, taking it all in, a warm sensation flashed throughout my body.  In that moment, I said to myself – This is my home.

I remember writing this short reflective paragraph.  It was just yesterday, or so it seems.  I was right when I said the last three months were going to fly by, I now have just two weeks left in South Africa – an alarming feeling.

A lot has occurred since that night in my home of Masealama.  I have seen and experienced things I never would have imagined – exciting things, sad things, things that made me nervous, happy things, challenging things, fun things, spiritual things, things of all kinds.  Through all of these, my home has become even more of a home for me – for I have struggled, laughed, played, sung, and been challenged alongside of the wonderful people of my community.

Thinking about leaving is a struggle.  Sure, I miss my family and friends back home and I am excited to see them, spend time with them, and share stories with one another as to all that has happened on both sides of the world this last year.  The reality is I will miss the family and friends I have come to know and love here in South Africa too.

I have often been asked about being homesick or if I miss my family.  Truthfully, I always missed my family (and friends), but I was rarely, if at all, homesick.  One thing that I have always understood while here, is that I know I am going back to the United States.  I know that when I return, my friends and family will be there for me.

Now I am in a different situation, as I already feel homesick for South Africa and I have not even left.  It is hard to think about leaving this place.  Doing so often brings tears to my eyes.  I do not know when I will get the chance to return.  And when I do return, who will still be here.  Many people, simply in the course of this year, have left Masealama for schooling and in search of work, how do I know when I return that my family and friends will be here to return to?

Although it takes an effort to think about, it is a reality that I must face.

I have already had to say some goodbyes.  They have been difficult to do and when I am done, I often find myself almost shutting down, closing off the rest of the world.  I cannot hide from these things.  I need the continued strength to say goodbye, to have some closure.  But I also need to be present here in these last weeks, not only taking care of my own needs but considering those that I will be leaving behind.

It is a blessing to have such a struggle leaving this place.  I am truly grateful for the family and the friends that have made this year what it has for me – my home.